The Worst Date I Ever Went On

Last week, I asked my Instagram followers to share all about the worst first dates they’d been on.  And with today being Valentine’s Day, it only seems fair to share…the worst date I ever went on.  Buckle up because this one’s…a lot.

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The Worst Date I Ever Went On | The Background

Back when I was a wittle 18-year old at the University of Kentucky, a guy that lived in my dorm had a HUGE crush on me.  I wasn’t interested, but would see him from time to time at parties and he almost always would send me a Facebook message afterwards. (I was in college before Instagram friends, so sliding into the DMs wasn’t a real thing yet.)  Luckily, I moved into my sorority house mid freshman year & didn’t have to deal with any awkward run ins in our dorms lobby.

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The Worst Date I Ever Went On | I Was Set Up

At the start of my sophomore year, I found out he was pledging one of the fraternities I hung out with a lot.  I was very meh about this, but one of my friends in the fraternity mentioned that he’d brought up being on My Super Sweet 16 at an interest session.  Flash forward to the next morning and a bunch of my girlfriends gathered around my laptop where we downloaded and watched his episode on iTunes (#ShamelessStalker).

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If you’ve never watched an episode of Super Sweet 16, the premise is extremely wealthy kids turning sixteen and the over the top, lavish parties that their parents throw them.  The show usually includes a celebrity entertainer, party entrance fit for royalty, and the birthday boy or girl receiving a luxury vehicle (or multiple vehicles in some cases.)  Somewhere during our apartment watch party, all of my friends convinced me to go out on one date with this guy.  “What if he picks you up in a Lambo with butterfly doors, Nicole?!”

The Worst Date I Ever Went On | He Picked Me Up

Date night arrives and I’m nervous because I haven’t been on many dates.  Mr. Sweet Sixteen picks me up (in his BMW) and is playing a mixtape of him rapping over Drake & Kanye’s instrumental tracks.  Color me unimpressed — strike 0.5.  I figured we might go to dinner but he took me through the drive thru at Starbucks.  *Insert him acting like buying my $4 Frappucino was a gift from above.*  Okay — strike 1?

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The Worst Date I Ever Went On | We Went to…His Apartment

Our final destination for our first date which was his apartment… While this would have been a big red flag for me today, I didn’t think too much of it at the time. (Major mistake.)  We sat down and started making typical first date small talk and after he asked me what made me choose to go to UK, I asked his reason.  “Well I’m kind of a celebrity back home…I had to escape from that so I couldn’t go to Ohio State.”  Strike 2? Or 1.5?  Unsure, but I politely looked puzzled and then he asks me, “You know who I am right?” Okay, this puts us solidly at strike 2.

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Mama didn’t raise a fool or a fool that will feed a man’s ego so I shook my head. He tells me he was on My Super Sweet 16 and THEN proceeds to motion me over to him…to watch his entire episode.  Yes.  We sat there for over an hour plus reliving his 16th birthday tv episode where he yells at his parents for wanting to buy him a used BMW (they bought him a brand new one), not wanting to pay for Mike Jones (they did), and renting out an entire mall.  What perhaps made this worse was that he regularly paused to give me a running commentary. STRIKE 3, 4, 5, 6?

The Worst Date I Ever Went On | The Kiss

I’ve been told many times that my face is extremely expressive so the fact that I didn’t have a clearly visible WTF face is honestly impressive.  I clearly remember thinking that he would offer to take me home after giving me the rundown on his entire episode, but then he wanted to watch a movie.  I made an excuse about having a big assignment due the next day that I still needed to finish and he leaned in (I leaned back but the couch was only so long) and aggressively kissed me.  After ramming his tongue into my mouth, he said, “that was great.”  I asked if he’d take me home. Strike 7.

The Worst Date I Ever Went On | But the Hits Kept Coming!

I was walking behind him out of his apartment and asked if I should close the door.  After confirming I could, I firmly shut the door and followed him out to the parking lot.  Only for him to inform me that…you guessed it: he’d locked his keys in his apartment.  “I can’t believe you closed my door!”  Hopefully my face was completely blank but I reminded him that he’d told me to.  It was a Sunday night so reaching a locksmith required a ton of calls.  He was frustrated and kept refusing my offer to just call my roommate to come pick me up.

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Somewhere between 45 minutes and an hour and a half later, Pop a Lock showed up and this date managed to get worse.  (TBH, didn’t even think it was possible! The man had a talent!)  Mr. Sweet Sixteen immediately starts verbally barraging the locksmith to my complete horror.  I had made myself comfortable sitting on the floor and he sat down next to me to loudly complain about the locksmith not being good at his job, how the locksmith wasn’t intelligent, and how he didn’t make much money.  Y’ALL. Strike 8, 9, and 10?

God bless that locksmith for not decking him -and- for getting the door open in about 15 minutes.  Mr. Sweet Sixteen dropped me off at my apartment and we never went out again.  And that is why, you should never go out on a date with someone that has a Super Sweet Sixteen episode.

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